The essence of a relationship is not control, but a game of expectation structures. People decide whether to cooperate with you based on what they can gain, what they might lose, and how much they trust you. In the short term, you can influence their choice by magnifying the benefits or risks, but this approach only works for one-time interactions; in long-term relationships, what truly matters is not the threat or temptation itself, but whether you consistently build credible value expectations and stable behavioral consequences. What keeps people close to you in the long run is never "making them fear or desire you," but rather "whether cooperating with you is overall worthwhile and predictable."