Trading Journal

Hey, I got liquidated again, and my account balance has dropped back to single digits. I don't know whether I should keep on this path. I started trading at 20 years old. From the beginning, I lost little by little and got liquidated, then later I made huge profits, and now I’m back to being liquidated. At first, I just played around, exploring the crypto world bit by bit. My initial losses taught me that I was paying tuition to the market; losing didn’t matter. After continuous learning and because I’m naturally someone who loves to gamble, I quickly saw results. During that time, I also followed many traders and signal providers, and I kept copying their trades. I had five or six consecutive profitable trades, and I started to get cocky, thinking the market was just okay.

That’s when my nightmare began. Leverage is a double-edged sword; it can help you accumulate wealth quickly in the market, but it can also accelerate your demise. I started with 20x leverage on a 10% position, gradually adding to my positions and holding through the swings, then later 100x, 150x, 200x. Until I got liquidated. I still refused to accept it, so I went to C2C trading, repeating the same mistakes, slowly giving back all the money I had earned in the market.

Later, I realized I was trading emotionally, but it was already too late. The market doesn’t show mercy. I lost both my profits and my principal to the market. Even now, I still have the desire to quickly return to my peak trading days. Unsurprisingly, I got liquidated again within a couple of days.

Before I got into crypto, I worked hard—delivering food, washing dishes, and saving money from high school. I bought a new phone, tablet, camera, and computer. I even had some extra money set aside to buy my girlfriend a new iPhone 17. I initially used the money I saved for her to play around in trading. From the start, I lost money, then made huge profits, and I planned to buy her the full Apple ecosystem and even a car. But human nature is weak. After losing money, I didn’t stop or rest; I kept trading emotionally, and in the end, I got liquidated. I even sold my phone and camera to C2C to cover losses.

What really hurts isn’t the liquidation after making money; it’s that I promised my girlfriend I’d buy her a new phone, but now I’m powerless. She’s a year younger than me, in her third year of high school, preparing for the college entrance exam. Her phone had been used for a long time. Later, I gave her a spare phone worth 500-600 yuan, telling her to make do for now, and after her exams, I’d buy her a new iPhone 17. After the exams, plus her strict family, we rarely contacted each other. She knew I was involved in futures trading and that I had lost everything now. But she didn’t say anything or bring up the phone.

A few days ago, I delivered food again and earned $200. I re-entered the market. But unsurprisingly, with a different mindset—too eager to win—I kept breaking my trading rules, and in the end, I lost everything again.

Trading has really taken away my interest in other things. I studied medicine in college, following my family’s advice, applying to foreign schools, hoping to earn a high salary. But after trading, I gradually realized the rules of this world: working a regular job will never lead to success. It’s just a high-paying job, a high-level position, but achieving financial freedom is impossible. Now, I no longer have the energy to study medicine.

These days, I’ll keep delivering food. The road of trading is really hard; I can only take it slow. Just take it step by step.

My writing isn’t good, but I just want to record my journey so that my future successful self can cherish it and not forget the times of hardship.